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２００７年８月 |
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メニュー
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The best thing a professional give to me. I am diagnosed as schizo-affective. I have schizophrenia and depression. I first got bipolar in 1990. I was a medical student of a local university. And I did not go to psychiatric hospital for one and half year. The first time I saw the psychiatric doctor is 1992. I have a disease in my kidney so I used to went to see a physician and said her that "I want to kill myself". She only said "I cannot help you. You should go
to see psychiatrist." I could not see psychiatrist because of my prejudice and stigma for mental illness. I had manic depression at that time. Sometime I could go to school but when depression or manic started I could not go to school.
And I was hospitalized in mental hospital four times. Every time I was hospitalized into closed ward. And two times I was in the locked room. And I drop out the school in 1996. I was helpless and lonely patient.
My recovery started in 1997. In 1997 I went to I had a hobby of listening radio English course inside the mental hospital. So I wanted to try to use my English in It was 10 day program. I stayed home of the consumer group's leader's condominium. The name of the leader is Bill Compton. He is one of my best friends now.
After 10day consumer exchange program I got relapse of depression for 6 months. I could not attend to day service rehabilitation center for long time. And I got well after 6 month. Then I don't like myself because I know the reason of my relapse. The reason was me. I knew I did too much in the program. I was exhausted because I participated the exchange program.
I learned many things but that was my first relapse caused by my self. After 6 month I came back to my rehabilitation center. Then my psychologist said to me. His name was Kengo Kiyotaki. "6 American people will visit our center. Let's
make a consumer committee to welcome them. And 4 of 6 is consumers.
Two is professionals. And will you become a leader of the committee?
Because you went to I said "O.K." Before the day that American consumers came, we had committee meeting weekly. We decided budget, transportation, program of the day, lunch, translators. And Kengo the psychologist participate our weekly meeting. In our meeting we discussed everything about the program. But Kengo the psychologist did not say anything at the meeting. He did not help us. He just smoked cigarette and smiled. So we consumer decide how we use money and how we get money and how we gather the donation, and we decided the place where they have lunch, and what they have at lunch and how to pay the money for lunch.
We decided every small things at meeting and made all schedule of the day that they come and how we behave in the day from morning to get the American consumers into the center to evening how we see off the American consumers. But in the meeting Kengo who invited me to the consumer committee did nothing but just smoking his favorite cigarette and smiling.
In the day of exchange program in our center, we consumers did everything. We literary run and run to welcome them with our 120% of our ability. I was exhausted again. We, the other members of consumer committee, had rest for 1 week. We needed some time to recover. I didn't like myself again because I made the cause of my small relapse. And I didn't like the psychologist Kengo who did not help us then. I complained to my friend who was work with me in the consumer committee. “Why Kengo did not work with us. Why Kengo did not help us. This is first time for me to do so much decision and so much work” Now I realize what he did for us by doing nothing in our committee. It need some years to realize the meaning what he did. He trusted us. He gave us the responsibility of whole program. He let us decide everything. With full responsibility, we can grow by our selves. He let us do everything including the budget. I was changed after that program by him. Kengo did nothing but he give us the best thing that professional always could not give to consumers. I think the empowerment of the mental health consumer is happen only professionals do nothing. We need to be trusted and we need to decide by ourselves and we need to do by ourselves. We consumers are not strong if one is lonely. But we are not weak if we make consumer group, and when some one gives us the chance to do everything by ourselves without any help from professionals. He did not help us at the committee he did nothing in the committee. But he did best thing that other professionals cannot do. Trust, full responsibility, self-decision making. So consumers here, let’s make consumer peer support group. Families and professionals here, give the consumers big work and do nothing for us if you want to, but just see and listen and smile with consumers. Please be with us, not be for us. |
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